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Thinking about the last ten years here on LJ. When I joined LJ in 2008 it was for the most part already done. I was just chasing the attention of certain people and  a certain person.

Sitting here at my desk at work in the beginning of 2019 all I can say about the last ten years here on LJ is that none of it really mattered anyway. It was just a big waste of time. 

Dec. 11th, 2017

So much assholism in one photograph. Some of the worst people ever.

Squad goals? Bitch, be thankful you don't look like Geddy Lee. 
Don't worry. You have plenty of artsy fartsy A-List Bear friends to to pat you on the back and say "There, there." 


So they had to surgically remove you from the deepest depths of his ass. Funny. I thought you two were such good friends.


OK, so I met this guy named Andrew at my Sunday night AA meeting in Fullerton. I’ve seen this guy before at the meeting. He looks to be in early 50s maybe? I don’t know because he looks like he just crawled out of bed, wears the same dirty jean shorts and a dirty cut-off t shirt. When he shares at meeting you can feel the anxiety and anger in his voice. He shares about his multiple DUI’s, pending court dates (one involving assaulting a police officer), relapses (there are constant with this guy) and his tumultuous relationship with his wife with MS. There has been times where he abruptly leaves the meeting by kicking his chair across the room and shoving the AA literature of the table. I have been in AA for almost 17 years now and sadly this is not uncommon. I’ve seen it all.

ANYWAY sometime last fall Andrew struck up a conversation with me during the break at the meeting. He probably overheard me talking about some prog band or whatever wacky concert I recently attended. It turned out we like a lot of the same music, Zappa, King Crimson, Yes, Roxy Music, etc. Even though we share a lot of the same musical interests I still tried to keep a certain distance from this guy because he has problems!

It was also around this time when he started asking me for favors. Asking me if I could take him to Target to pick up his purchases because he didn’t have enough money at the time or to take him and his wife somewhere because they didn’t have bus money. I have never been so thankful to NOT have a car! He would keep asking me for rides but then he’d quickly remember that I don’t drive. He then began asking me if he wanted to hang out. He also wanted me to meet his wife. I told him that my time is very limited and that I am very busy most of the time. Also around this time I have been remembering that I have not been taking the time to work with other alcoholics that are new to AA. By ‘work’ I mean taking the time to listen to them, to show them how this A.A. thing works and maybe even sponsor them. Now there was no way in Hell that I would ever sponsor Andrew. I am just not capable of dealing with that level of ‘f*ck up’ but I am willing to talk and to listen but I also have to remember my boundaries!

So I agreed to meet at his place which is about 5 blocks from my place. He lives in a quaint old street in Fullerton with very nicely kept craftsman style houses. His isn’t one of them! He lives in what I believe is or what used to be a guest house at the end of the street. You have to enter through the alley way. I sent him a text letting him know that I was outside. He opens this old wooden door that leads to the patio. There is an dead tree in the middle surrounded by rusted patio furniture covered in cob webs. There are stacks of boxes all over the patio. Some are covered in a dirty blue tarp. In one corner there is a tent. He informs me that his friend is temporarily living in that tent and that we need to keep it down. There is also random piles of clothes, trash, dead plants and junk everywhere. I feel uneasy and I just want to get the hell out of there and take a shower. He tells me that his wife Jennifer is not feeling well and that I can’t go inside to meet her. I immediately tell him that I can only stay for 20 minutes. I did not give him an excuse as to why. We sit down on these rusted patio chairs. I am trying to listen to what he has to say but I am distracted by the mess that I am completely surrounded in. Andrew is still talking when I see this guy crawl out of the tent. He is tall, bald, has no shirt, wearing only dirty shorts and says, “Is he going to buy the bass?”. Andrew then says to me, “Oh, yeah. I have a bass for sale. Would you be interesting in buying it?”. I said, “I am not interested in buying a bass.” He then goes into his house and comes back with the bass. It’s in a flimsy gig bag. He opens the gig bag and pulls out the sh1ttiest scrap bass I’ve ever seen. The thing belonged in the trash. I am sure every pawn shop turned this thing down. So this was the real reason why he wanted me over. He wanted to sell me a piece of shit bass. I quickly said, “I gotta go. Gotta walk my dogs. Bye.”

Since them I would get phone calls in the middle of the night from Andrew saying stuff like, “Jennifer and I had a fight. I need to talk to someone.”. I would say, “Let’s talk at the meeting” and “Do not call me after 10pm please”.

Andrew invited me to his place one more time just to talk. I reluctantly agreed. It turns out that this guy wanted bus money so he could get to Santa Ana for his court date. I gave him $2 and left.

Here’s where it got weirder. About a week ago he asked me if I wanted to hang out and play guitar. I said that I was busy with my own band. Which is true! Then he asked that he wanted to hang out and talk. I said that I would talk but not at his place. I would only talk for 30minutes at a Starbucks. THAT’S IT! Then I get a voicemail from him saying that someone’s mortgage check bounced and that he needed help moving some things from his place. I am angry now. He is becoming a problem now! I was busy all weekend and told him that maybe Monday I could help him move some boxes. I should have just said, “No. I can’t do that. Sorry. Bye”. I hate moving. I hate moving for people I actually like and love. I hate that fact that I’m in an awkward position now. I call him on Monday and tell him that I am tired and that I could not help him tonight. As angry as I am with him I still feel a little bad for him so I told him, “I will help you Tuesday night at around 9pm and only for a half hour.” I also asked him what exactly it is that he needs me to do. He just said, “Move some light boxes”.

It is now 9pm. I begrudgingly get up from the couch where I am comfortably watching guitar videos on youtube with my two Chihuahuas. My friend/roommate Marc asks me where I am going. I fill him in on what’s going on and I jokingly told him to come down and get me if I am not back by 10pm.

I walk over to his place which is about 5 blocks from my place. He lets me in. This is the very first time I enter the actual house. We enter through the kitchen where it looks like a bomb went off. There is a little table that is literally stacked about a foot high with dirty dishes, paper plates, mail, trash, magazines , newspaper, half eaten food and debris. There is trash on the floor and cats scrambling around. Throughout all of this debris I can faintly see the old mid-century kitchen appliances. A neat old oven and range. Something that June Cleaver would have used 60 years ago.

Next he leads me through this little hallway and opens this narrow , folding door that leads to what I think is the living room. I couldn’t tell because I was suddenly overcome with the sight of piles of junk!!! Boxes and piles of junk stacked to the ceiling. I couldn’t even tell you what it was. Just junk with no purpose!! Clothes, paper, bits of plastic, dirty dishes, VHS tapes, 3 ring binders, cereal boxes and a bunch of ‘I don’t know what’?!!!!! It was literally everywhere! Stacks upon stacks. The air was still and stuffy and there was a smell. It smelled like mold, cat shit, B.O.. I am officially panicking. I can’t remember the last time I was in this much of a panic.

Andrew then said, “Jennifer, this is Tito.” I turn to this corner and I see an obese woman with a tube in her nose. I couldn’t see the oxygen tank. She is sitting up on what looks like an oversized cat mattress. She just looks like a lump of flesh in a mumu with a plastic tube in her nose. I am not being mean. That’s what this looked like! She is surrounded by debris, papers, dirty dishes and just JUNK! On the walls on her little corner are what looks like old family photos probably taken in the 50s or early 60s of young children. They are all crookedly hung up on the part of the wall that isn’t blocked by junk. I said to myself, “I need to get the fuck out of here!” The stacks of junk occupying just about every inch in space in this small house is making me anxious and I am panicking so much that I am beginning to sweat. He then leads me down narrow path in-between the piles of junk to this small sofa which he uses as his bed. I say, “What do you need me to do”. Andrew says, “Can you start putting these clothes on hangers?” The couch is piled with his clothes and garbage. I made the mistake of putting one of his cut off t shirts on a hanger and it was just like you’d think that would feel like! Next I heard a voice yelling from a corner of the house, “THIS ALL NEEDS TO BE MOVED BY SATURDAY! YOU NEED TO MAKE ROOM FOR HER STUFF!!!”. Andrew then says to me, “Yeah, I need you to help me clear out all of this area so Jennifer’s sister can have room for her stuff.” He then hands me a pile of dirty dishes and tell me to put them in the kitchen. I try to find my way back to the kitchen. I walk past Jennifer’s corner but all I see is a wall. I look to my left and all I see are a stack of boxes. I look to the right and I see a sheet of plastic covering that side of the wall. I move the plastic over and I see that narrow, wooden fold away door. I am trying to push it open but it opens in the opposite direction. There is no doorknob or any sort of handle and I am now fearing for my life. I’M TRAPPED!! I manage to get the door open by pulling it open with my nails from the top. I place the dishes on what I think was a kitchen counter. Andrew is now in the kitchen. I tell Andrew, “I cannot be here. I do not feel comfortable here. All of this mess makes me very nervous and I do not feel safe here. Good bye.” He did not say anything and I practically ran home.

I ran past my buddies Matt and Jimmy’s apartment. I wanted to come in just so I could decompress. I made it home and took a shower then I cuddled with my dogs. I have never been so happy to be home. I told my friend/roommate Marc what happened then we watched Cheers. I must have been at Andrew’s place for less than ten minutes but I am still pretty shaken up. Yes, I am very pissed at Andrew but I am mostly sad for him because what he has is a serious disorder. Right now I don’t know if I should call the cops or a social worker or the fire department.


So earlier this week a co-worker told me that she will be calling in sick on Friday. I was totally cool with that and told her that I would be calling in sick on Thursday because I, too needed a mental break from the craziness at work. I chose Thursday because Ghost would be doing an in-store at Amoeba. So I could sleep in, spend some time with the dogs and head on over to Amoeba later in the afternoon for the in-store.

I spent the morning with the dogs and watching old TV intro’s from the 70’s and 80’s on youtube. Srsly, HOURS of fun!!! I took a smartphone break at 10AM and saw that people were already lined up for the in-store and that signing tickets were almost gone!!! WTF? I was pissed!! Their webpage said that line ups were to start at 3pm and now it’s almost sold out?!!! Now I had to drop off the dogs and boogie down to the Fun Zone! So much for finding a little trouble before the show!

I send Marc a text letting him know the situation. He was just as pissed as I was. I told him I would be saving him a spot. I get to Amoeba and ran right to the heavy metal section to look for the new Ghost album. As I’m looking a security guard walked up to me and said, “Hey, yo. You need to check your bag. The guy behind the counter was trying to tell you but you just took off.” I apologized profusely and he was totally cool and understood. The security guards at Amoeba are fucking scary and you’d have to be a fool to even thing about doing anything stupid. I bought the album and got a signing ticket. YAY!! then I realized that I haven’t eaten anything so I got a big ass burrito at Chipotle and big ass bottle of water across the street.

The line is up to the small parking lot behind Amoeba. My plan was to hop into line when it got to DeLongpre Ave because the sun was beating down on the sidewalk and I didn’t have a hat or an umbrella. I ate my burrito in the shade and watched the line getting longer and longer. I said “FUGG IT” and got in line and took refuge behind a street light that was giving enough shade to where I wouldn’t cook.

There are A LOT of people here. From teenagers to folks my age to folks with their kids. EVERYONE is wearing a Ghost t shirt. Some people are even covered head to toe in all black. In this heat?

It’s now 2pm and an Amoeba representative made an announcement saying that they will be letting people in at 3pm. Marc showed up and he’s pissed!! “WHAT THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE DOING HERE? THE LINE UP WAS SUPPOSED TO START AT 3PM AND NOW IT’S AROUND THE BLOCK!!!?” I’m just as frustrated as Marc but I tried to stay positive. I spent most of my time questioning as to why I’m doing this in the first place but I’m here and I might as well make the best of it. Everyone in line are being super cool and patient. That made all the difference.

Marc and I spent the rest of our time in line talking about everything. I love that fucker.

The line starts moving and just as I suspected we ended up in aisle 1 in the used rock section …. Which is the back row, the row closet to the registers. I’m cool with that. It’s still an hour to showtime. I’m still keeping it together by hanging out with Marc but what’s really helping the time pass by is that they were playing the first 3 Blue Oyster Cult albums back to back over the stereo!!! I was talking to Marc and singing along. GOD I love those albums!!! After the B.O.C. they began playing “Sin After Sin” by Judas Priest. Marc and I were like, “YEAAAHHHH!!!”.


So some old broad in a bad witchy British accent stepped up to a podium that was set up and introduced Ghost. Saying shit like, “You have all been summoned through the darkness.” And “Darkness is upon us!!”

I wasn’t having any of it. I’ve been standing for over 4 hours!

Two of the Nameless Fouls .. I mean Ghouls came out wearing their brand new sliver devil masks and begin to tune up. Next their third lead singer comes out and does the worst Father Guido Sarducci impression for the next thirty minutes. Oh and they managed to squeeze in 3 songs which sounded like shit.

And that was it.

The line for the signing quickly formed. I managed to get a good spot in line. I just wanted to go home but I already bought the album. The line was moving slowly and I’m still considering leaving but McDuff found me. It was really cool hanging in line with McDuff. I love that fuckers. That helped defuse the situation.

It’s finally my turn to get my shit signed. The new lead singer is at the podium. I hand him my album and he starts doing his Father Guido schtick. I wasn’t having this so I just nodded and took my album. Next were the Faceless Fools. Those lazy cunts! One got a rubber stamp and stamped a triangle on my album. The other one stamped some stupid squiggle.


WHAT A COLOSSAL WASTE OF MY TIME!!!! If I would have just gone to Amoeba after work and heard them do 3 songs sloppily I would have been OK with that but NO! We all waited in line for over 4 hours. Hundreds of us were in line hours earlier than when we were supposed to only to get this lazy, sloppy, piece of shit fart performance?

FUCK THEM!!!! The cheated me out of my time and money. They no longer get my support. This will go down as one of the worst performances I’ve ever been to.

Aug. 14th, 2014

Jesus H. Christ!

Would it kill you to have a skinny friend without a beard and would it also kill you to be photographed with a woman every now and then?



What I would give back to go back 10 years.


Jul. 2nd, 2014

Wait a minute.

I might be able to buy a new condo. It won't be as rad or as big as this one but it will be mine.

So for now I won't buy that $2000 Les Paul gold top and I won't go to Europe next year. I'll just take a 4 day cruise to Mexico with an interior room.



Amalfi coast 2010

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